3 longgggggggg months

3 months since my last post...................mmmmmmmmmm....a lot has happened in the last 3 months.
Life is no more the way it used to be.Things have changed and they have changed for good.
Most of it has been nice and a few not so good things and a really bad thing.

In these 3 Months i found its you for yourslf and ther is no point looking for support from others.
Found the best of my friends and the peole who i dont want to call friends anymore.
Eventful time at work..lots of quality . appreciations , recognitions.
A new mobile.A new look ...but that wasnt so good so had to revert back to my previous look.
A heartbreak..the most difficult time of my life...but i guess im getting through thanks to those very few special people.

I guess its been a great learning experience and looking to put in more posts , my journal seems to look very outdated.

Dekho Barish ho rahi hai..........

It just the 31st of May and tap tap, tap, the first bout of rainfall in Mumbai.
It’s really strange how an event could change the entire way you look at things.
Mumbaikars no longer see the monsoon with the joy they used to. There is a stigma attached to the rains now thanks to 26th July.

The early monsoon, actually it was early be 10 days, swept the city completely off its foot
It started raining at 3.00 PM yesterday and by 5:00 PM my entire office was empty .Every one on the streets rushing to go back home. Heavy rain, traffic and delayed trains only made the situation worse.
Everybody was panicky, mobiles ringing everywhere and even the mobile network got jammed.

The funniest part- The BMC building was engulfed in darkness after the power room in the basement was filled with water and the generator wouldn’t start due to some technical hitch.
Jus a the BMC came out with a press release stating that the Mumbai city is all geared up to take the monsoon and nothing like the previous year would happen this time.
So much for them being ready

My first time in Mumbai and first time I’m seeing rains in the month of may. Walked from office to home, got completely drenched and to finish it had an ice-cream from the street stalls. What better way to start the monsoon?

A thank you note.............

Being away from home is always difficult.....

But my stay away from home is being made a little easier and worth it by a few friends around me...My friends in mumbai and also to all those guys back at home (for being there when I needed u the most),thanks guys , this one is to all of you .

To all my colleagues, for making me feel very comfortable in the team and for laughing at my stupid n silly jokes.

To all the girls I stay with , u have made my life more colorful--(literally,my first big time holi celebration was with u folks). For being there with me during my bad days...Jus listening to me, it made all the difference. For putting up with all my temper tantrums.
For all the times I have spent with you guys.

To my friends back home for all the calls, for being all ears when all I did was just crib.
Thanks Guys....Thanks a lot, for adding an happy episode to my life .

Letter to daddy.....

Hi daddy,

Hope you are doing good and are happy.We are going on with our life but its is no more the way it used to be.Things have changed daddy and changed a lot after you left.I have always wanted to tell you something and im telling this to you now in this letter

Certain things and people are always taken for granted,Our parents are one of the few people we always take for granted.
They would always be with us , be there to guide us, see us through the up's and down's of life and yes i did take my parents for granted too.But not any more cause life thought me otherways but the price for learning my lesson was too high.

I loved you dad ,still love you and always will but im not sure if i actually told you how much i loved you when you were around.

The importance of a person is understood in their absence and dad u have been so important to me in my life and i realise it now when its all too late.Wish you were around to see your daughter live an independent life .You would have been really happy cause you taught me how to live .You gave me courage.You built my confidence and you taught me to love in spite of all the odds.

I miss u daddy , i guess iam late and should have told you earlier- I LOVE U daddy and i love you so much, though my actions or words could not have potrayed that to you .But deep inside my heart you are my hero.

I would just love to pick up the phone ,call you from bombay just to let you know how im doing. But i know on the other end the phone would just be ringing followed by a silence that would be so deaffening.You have left a void in my life , a void that no one can ever fill a void for me to look into and realise what life has taught me.

What was the hurry dad? why did you leave without even telling us a single word.
Every single milestone i cross -how i wish u were around to cheer me and take me up further. What happened to the promises of u and me visting the US together. There are so many things dad so many promises to keep up,so many things for me to tell you and so many things for u to see.What was the hurry dad??

But still you did your job so well... even leaving in such a hurry u taught me a lesson dad.
Dont take anyone for granted and make sure you tell the person how u feel about them cause tommorw might be too late.

I was late once and have been punished but now i will make sure i never do the same thing again. Love you daddy and miss you a lot .Missing you every single minute.

Love
Your daughter

P.S :Hope you will be able to read this letter. Everyone loves you a lot and misses you at home

Reality Bites

Im not a feminist , but I would always be the first one to react or counter if anyone says the old cliches about girls.
girls cannot stay without gossiping about another girl
Girls , no matter how close they are,they are jealous of their best friends etc etc ...........................
Being a girl I have heard and countered each of these. But the happenings for the past few weeks have got me thinking again...Probably...Just probably may be a few of those cliches might actually be true.

8 girls was a big group to move into a new place.But considering the fact that I was staying with 13 ppl now in a 2 bhk converted to 3bk,it was a better proposition for 8 of us to move out of this place to a new 2bhk house.
It was not the number of ppl alone but a lot of other associated problems and we had no way out than moving from the current place.

It seemed really simple ,jus that we have to look into a 2 bhk with basic furnishings and kazooooo we can shift.
So we stared looking out for a place,oh my god, it seemed like eternity .If the house was good- the society was not ready to take in spinster not even one so where is our point trying to convince them to accommodate 8.
If the society had no problem then atleast one out of the 8 girls had a problem with the house..Either the locality is not ok, the rent is far to high, the place is stuffy .....The reason could be anything.

We began looking for a place in the final weeks of February and even by end of march we were not able to find a place. Tensions rose and now egos came into play.
If one person said a yes to a place , then other say's no and gives a new option but the first person does not want a house in the locality. Why? The place was flooded during July 26...Whew !!! Wasn't it like the entire mumbai was flooded????? Lame reasons, arguments and finally no decision !!
Its been three months since we started looking for a house but we do not seemed to have even moved one step close to our destination.

"Girls can never decide....And when its 8 there will never be a single decision"-said my colleague . Most unlikely from me, I jus did not counter this b'cause I knew he might be right , we can never decide!!!

Vanilla sky

I always prefer the window seat when I take my flights.......and this time I was happy I did just that.
Suprisingly it was a cloudy day when I left mumbai .My flight took off just in time and I was thrilled that I was traveling home.
To be precise this was my second time on a flight and I had one of the most memorable flights ever.
It was the scene and the silence and serenity attached with what I saw that made it worthwhile.
And all that I saw out of my window were clouds... Pure white ones.....
It was like my flight was gliding through snow, not a glimse of land below.

The first thing that came into my mind was Bryan Adams Cloud No 9 Song and then the book which had inspired me a lot The ILLUSIONS.
Cloud No 9 ,I guess everyone will understands why,if they have seen the video of the song.
But The ILLUSIONS even I was not sure why , I felt more heavenly and closer to my messiah looking at those huge but yet soft and serene clouds.
My mind was in a state of trance, completely relaxed and plain just like the clouds that I had seen outside.
I was able to recall and actually reflect on what I read in that book, suddenly like magic and I still don't know how and why???

I have never felt so calm in my life.When my flight actually went through the clouds, all I could see around me was white and it was like I was traveling into another life another time , a new dimension......
It was a breathtaking and a wonderful experience, there is still so much I feel about it but the magic of my feelings can never be worded here cause it was far far beyond that .

4 heavenly days

The wait was well worth it. I remember counting my days down before I could reach home....... But 4 days was not enough, I guess a lifetime wouldn't be enough to stay with the family.

Back home and back to my mom,siblings and wonderful friends of mine.
I jus cant explain, really cant explain how I felt when I saw my mom after 4 months. Have never been away from here for sooooooo long.
I was looking forward for the home food,infact I even did not eat anything from morning lest it hampers my appetite .
The time I had was not enough to update my mom on everything that happened, i cuddled with her in the nights to have a long chat but only to find myself fast asleep with my hand wrapped around her. It was divine bliss.
Lots of friends and not enough time to meet everyone.I did catch up with quite a few thanks to my friends wedding.
A hectic 4 or should i say 3.5 days spent in meeting family and friends, man surely 4 days will never suffice.

Oh my, how I envy people who stay with their family. Things I had taken for granted once were no longer that way. Every little thing that my mum used to do as default seemed so special to me.
Life teaches you a lot when you live by urself.

AAMCHI MUMBAI

Its been more than 3 months since i have been in bombay and i guess i have seen and discovered enough of bombay to actually put it in words

A City where everything is possible, Especially the impossible!
Where lovers first love and then marry,
Where there is place for every Tom, Dick and Harry
Where telephone bills make a person ill,
Where a person cannot sleep without a pill.
Where carbon-dioxide is more than oxygen,
Where the road is considered to be a dustbin,
Where college canteens are full and classes empty,
Where Adam teasing is also making an entry,
Where a cycle reaches faster than a car,
Where everyone thinks himself to be a star,
Where sky scrapers overlook the slums (USHA KIRON),
Where houses collapse as the monsoon comes,
Where people first act and then think,
Where there is more water in the pen than ink,
Where the roads see-saw in monsoon,
Where the beggars become rich soon,
Where the roads are levelled when the minister arrives,
Where college admission means hard cash,
Where cement is frequently mixed with ash.
This is Mumbai my dear,
But don't fear, just cheer!

Mapillai doi US mapillai.......

"What do parents expect when they are looking for a guy for their girl?". I was taken back when my friend asked me this question yesterday. Why this question all of a sudden and why me?
well thats another thing, now comming back to the question , what do parents expect?? mmmmmmmmm....... i told him that they expect that the guy be well settled, have a good job and a house in his name will be an added advantage. The guy should be good. He shot back -"How do you find that?". Wellllllll............ i had no answer.

The rating is more on materialistic terms.....
1.Guy in a software company
2.earning in 5 figures a month
3.Having a house/car or any kind of asset
4.scores double if he lives in the US.

Are these what our parents look for? Is there nothing more (leave the rasi, natcathram and jathagam)?
In a marraige where we choose our partners ourselfves , we atleat have times when we have spent together giving us a better stand in judguing a person.
But what about the arranged marraiges ..... how do they evaluate if the guy is good??
Word of the mouth? but they mostly dont give the full picture and partial pictures are mostly if not always deceptive.
And what is with this US factor that the parents are so crazy about? I even have friends who want to go to the US - reason : "machaan....US mappilaiku movusu jasthi da, nalla ponnu kadaipa".
No ,im not saying that guys in the US are bad. But what is it that makes them so special???
Money,lifestyle, and the big factor USA -jus 3 initials...........
Confused Desi's these people -- not wanting to live the way we live in INDIA and not able to completly adapt to they way of living in the US.
Ring ....Ring.
me :Hello sollu amma ....
mom: Oru US varan vanthiruku . Pakalama. Nan enna sollatum??
Aiyooooooo kadavule............

Mental Trauma.....

What do girls working away from home have to face??
Other than the mental trauma of being away from home and not having anyone around, there are millions of other things and people which make living a perfect impossibility.

What is with the mentality of the people around??That girls working away from home are uncultured...Not responsible ?

Living in an apartment is all the more difficult, cause u fall right under the scrutinizing eyes of all your neighbours.

The look that the neighbours in your flat give you when u come home after completing ur second shift could seriously burn you out in that instance.
Jus the sounds of laughter at night can have them shouting at you from their balconies .
Guess their parents didn't teach them the niceties of talking, Cause they not only force you quite but will go out of their way to make sure they insult you as much as they can.

Uncles and old men living with their families use words , which if u listen to will drop dead at that instance. Ddon't these people have girls at home who study outside living in a hostel. We are not expecting them to be over friendly and make us fell at home. But please don't make our lives so difficult to live.
Of all the problems, we could do with one lesser......And we are not asking for something out of the sky.

And it makes things even more hard to believe, cause this is the attitude in the most cosmopolitan city of the country.
It is not that we ran out of our homes, its jus that certain situations and conditions force us to work away from home and we are not at all happy with it.

Will get used to it....

After that day .... i would go to office and since things were new , will take an e-book and start learning.
And i had come to the concluclusion--whaterever be the things happening around me i just cant change them, so let me atleast try to make them better.
Thats when i started learning things relevant to my work...lots and lots of it and now i did not care if i was nirmala or nitha cause it didnt matter.

I was learning something no matter who i was, then came in the task to do a transistion document .
A document- well i was not very interested but still gave it a best shot. Appreciations came in from everywhere not to nirmala but Nitha.....then i realised hardwork works....
So started learning more, had a knowledge transfer from my collegue and then the i had my chance.
Solved a production issue on the clients server.....that was they day.
My co-ordinator decided to introduce me as nitha to the client. So my identity was restored..........
Things changed slowly but surely.....now im having a better time at office. Made new friends and have a good time at my hostel. Its fun -its different. But what ever it be home is anytime better.
Home sweet home..............................

Kasakai Mumbai (Hello Mumbai)

19 Decemember 2005

Well , there i was standing outside my apartment,in the cold, at 4.00am waiting for an indica to take me to a place i never wanted to go.................
4.00am ticked away to 4.30am and i was already half frozen. My mobile was ringing again.....
(shit i need to change this ring tone ....). It was the cab driver
Memsab kahan pe ho aap(mam where are u??)
Using my broken hindi i make him understand where im standing and after 15 minutes he picks me up.
And to my surprise i had a co-traveller.
It was another person from my company who was going to bombay and he was actually doing a favour by dropping me in bombay....(too much for those great talks by my director about taking care of everything).

I have always heard that the mumbai pune route is very scenic and a must see. Since my onward was in the night i couldnt get to see anything. Not that this time i was looking forward to it..............
It was preety chilling and the car was cozy.We travelled in silence.
But despite my mood i seemed to enjoy the scenic beauty, believe me it is beautiful-- very beautiful.
And there are tunnels which were carved out of those hills and driving through them was a very refreshing feel.I was enjoying the journey not realising what awaited me.

7:30 am - Honk....honk....... now comes the reality, have reached mumbai and what better sign than the traffic jam.
Checked into the guest house freshened up and was on my way to meet my manager.
9:30am enterd the same old Economic industrial zone.....nothing much had change(what am i expecting? that the place turn clean and non dusty?....mmmm next to impossible ).

I meet up with my manager, he briefs me on my job profile and asks a team member to give me a more detailed information.....15 minutes later- he hands me a CV ... jus read this and be familiar with the profile.
The CV read NIRMALA DAS.
why would in need to be familiar with this profile??? whats happening here?
I asked to talk to the manager, he promtly replies. Im sorry, but this was the CV that we had forwarded to our client and we want you to continue with this name, But i assure you that we will change it in a month or so??

Oh ! my god what was happening to my life. Now im not even the person who iam. What will i do? Many many docs were given to me and my team mate rupesh to study. Then we realized we had a client interview that evening.
My first glance at the CV. PeopleSoft sysadmin 4 yrs exp ...
What ??? Oh no im new to this field ... i dont know anything how was i going to pose a 4yrs exp.....
God why are u playing these games with me ??

We had the call, my coordinator was smart enough to not let me talk and handle the client. Atlast, it was over.

It was 10:30 Pm i returned to the guesthouse .But the questions just kept ringing in my mind and haunting me.
Why was i brought here? jus because they nedded a girl?
why should i be some one else?
now anything i do wont matter cause im not myself anymore?
Why is this happening to me?

I jus looked at the celing it was blank and so was what was ahead of me.........

Bye Bye......Pune (Episode 2)

Wham my bad luck had hit me again and this time a little too hard. Just when i was thinking im settling down and getting used to the place, a phone call turned everything topsy turvy.

It was 18 th Dec 2005 (yes a sunday again). Whats with sunday and my bad luck i don't understand ???
We got up late . Our House owner had come in the morning to get my signature for the insurance guys.
Officially only 3 people were allowed to stay in the flat but as usual we being great rebles had 1 more person extra and unfortunately the previous night my friend 's guy stayed over. So when uncle came in we scrambled to our posistions -that is the guy in the bathroom and one girl under the bed............

So uncle came got his work done and left. We were relieved.We had our breakfast and were chatting around....

Har gadi badal rahi hai roopu zindighi.........a song from kal ho na ho (how ironic)....it was my mobile ringing.
I picked it up
Manager(Man): Hello vanitha, this is sanjeeb here?
me: hello . who?
Man: Sanjeeb.
Me : oh yah sanjeeb.
man: is this a good time to speak to u ?
(if only i had known what he was about to say ...... then no time would have been good to speak to me)
me: yah sanjeeb, tell me.
Man: We have a requirement in our client proj, a new york client and we want to send u to the project.
It is pretty urgent and we want u to move to mumbai
(all the sweet talk as if he is sending me to NY)
me: !!!!!! (Oh no not again :-( )
me: sanjeeb but i jus got settled here
Man: and its preety urgent and we want u to trave to mumbai tonite
me:(this guy is jus not listening to me. Oh shit . Tonight????)
me: im not sure sanjeeb. cause it wont be possible to relocate so quickly
Man: no we will take care of all the travel and everything no problems about that.
me: im not sure
Man: i will ask fauzan (my project delivery director) to call u
Man: thank u . bye. tc

Oh my god ......not again not to that stuffy crowded place. It jus gets me too home sick.
I didn't want to go back to mumbai
Har gadi badal rahi hai roopu zindighi.....(now i know what it meant)
i picked up the call. To be more brief he just made sure i had no other option- but to go. Made sure my travel and my accommodation are arranged and was very considerate (huh......) to allow me to travel the next day morning 4.00am.

So that was the end of it , i was to move back to mumbai and i couldn't jus believe it.I had to pack my bags.
After another round of calling and complaining to all my friends, i had started to actually pack my bags. After all i guess one must move on with life............ :-(

House on Fire ... Pune(Episode 1)

Guess my luck follows where ever I go. The bus reached pune at 2.00 AM.
We(Me and my collegues....3 cursed souls) had to wait outside our Pune office till 4.00 AM to get the guest house caretaker to pick us from office.

The guy was so heated up , that as soon as he came in he jus took his frustration out on us (poor guy....Guess we must have disturbed his sleep. Hee....Heee...Hee :-) ).
We reached the guest house carrying out our heavy luggages. By this time I was cursing my mom for packing everything under the sun lest her poor child has to go searching for them in an unknow , new place.

21 days of training, well, it jus felt like I was back to college. 7 of us in our training batch most of them were what u will call studs....Stuck to their books ,assignments and work.
So I was missing company to explore the new place.

So , a not so bad 21 days jus passed by. By this time I had fallen in love with pune, a much cleaner place than mumbai . Less crowd and hence more breathing space so I was more than elated when my mangers decide to keep me in Pune.
Yipeeee........ Guess my bad luck had run away from me............
Found a good apartment to stay , shared it with three lovely girls.
They were so nice and very friendly that I jus stopped feeling home sick.
We started to cook at home....were having fun watching late night movies and another friend of mine from chennai was also in pune so could explore the place around with him.

We even had a trek trip to lonavala and khandala . That was a different expecerience all together a day filled with fun, trek and sweat.

When i thought everything around me was running well and fine. My first encounter with bad luck ....after a long time.

It was 11th Dec 2005 and everyone had left home for their work (yes, it was a sunday. but my roomies work on sundays). I was in blissful sleep. Dreaming about having a great south india dinner for the night , cause it was my turn to cook this time.

I smelt some thing burning...... On no, had i fried the potatoes too much , i ran to switch off the stove ......... i got up with a jolt ..... thank god it was just a dream Or was it ? Snifff ..... Snifff..... i could still smell something burning.
Oh my god !!!!
The bathroom was on fire.......Someone had left the immersion rod switched on (thanks to the load shedding in pune..... it caught fire after the power came in at 9:00 am, rightly when all my roomies had left).

And my Hindi was soooooooooooo good that not a single person understood what i was trying to say. The aunty next door was all smiling and offering me morning coffee when i wanted to tell her that my house was burning up.

Guess after 5 minutes she understood that something was wrong......and im sure it was because i had a ghostly expression on my face and failed to let her talk anything.
All i kept saying was .......Ghar me Aghe lagi . Bachhaaoo. (Means house on fire . Help). She never understood what i wanted to say thanks to my accent.

Was trying to call the fire department and then realized my BPL sim does not allow me to call 3 digit number until i switch to emergency mode.
I was in no position to explore my mobile to find the option to switch to emergency mode. I was literally pleading someone to call for the fire engine.

We broke the window of my bathroom , and there i saw -my roomie's washing machine entering into sati --- right in front of my eyes.
Slowly the fire consumed everything and my house was burning up with all its might.........
Oh God what do i Do?????? How do i answer my roomie's ?????

Then came two of my roomie's . but still the one who owned the washing machine was not there. I was a little relieved.
Poured water tried to bring down the fire...........fought with it for half an hour and atlast the god of agni gave up.
We still couldnt enter the house cause it was all filled with smoke.
And jus like in the movies.........ding ding ding ding ding........the fire engine comes in to finish up the story.....

Well we were then living in a burnt up house praying that our owner would repaint it one day......Insurance procedures,police complaints etc,etc,etc.......we were the talk of the apartment .

We felt everyone was talkin about us when we came down from our flat.
And our owner said he would not paint until he got the insurance claim...... Our world had turned black and dark-literally and even otherwise.

when i thought everything was settling down and i was about to meet my good luck around the corner..........
Wham ......something hit me hard and then i knew my bad luck would never leave me ..............

Home Sweet Home...............

I never realized that being away from home could be so difficult. I started from chennai on 14 nov 2006 with all the enthusiasm cause it was the first time im left home to live by myself.

Great dreams, great expectations and my first air bourne journey, started from the domestic terminal at 5:30 .I never realized chennai could look so beautiful at the crack of dawn.
I could breath the fresh air of freedom (not that I didn't have that at home), but u know its a different deal when you are all by urself .

Reached mumbai at 7:45 and jus stepped out of the airport at santacruz. lokku,looku ,looku (im jus coughing) ..............so much for my "fresh" air of freedom.

If this was somekind of a hint to what would be following then - I didn't catch it.

Took an auto and entered into this economic industrial zone ........Well believe me it was tooooooooo economically built . Guess their budget was very low that they even thought its better to keep the drain open.
Have never felt so stuffed up , no fresh air anywhere.......How do these people live here?????
Forgot to add - I had to wait outside the economic zone for 2 hours and once i got the permission had to drag my baggage for 2kms inside.

The Air conditioning of the office was a welcome relief.But still the place was filled up with people and was u know ,stuffy.
Usual HR formalities and then came the big blow.....I had to leave to pune the same night (for some stupid training).
After inquiring here and there and everywhere got myself a ticket to pune. After a bad lunch and long boaring presentations we checked into the guest house for freshening up.
One thing was clear I jus didn't know anything about mumbai. To catch a bus at 9.00 pm I took a taxi at 8:30pm . In chennai it would have given me a cushion time of 15 minutes, alas I never knew about the mumbai traffic.
Was caught in an automobile catastrophe and I knew even god would not be able to save me from such a mess.
At 9:15 reached my boarding point jus to find out I had missed my bus.......(jus the right kind of topping to end a really bad day).
So had to wait till 10:30 pm to take my next bus. But guess my bad luck had not ceased yet , cause the bus came in at 11:30 pm and I boarded the bus half asleep (I woke up at 4 to catch the 5:30 flight) . I was on my way to pune and didn't realize it would be a different ball game all together .

Well atlast

Well atlast -after all the thinking , I have joined the party.
My own blog. Some how without a blog of my own felt left behind in the internet world.
With all the people you know ,having a blog , and taking about their blog , you could feel like u jus jumped in from mars .

And the toughest part of creating ur own blog is choosing the name. I spent hours on the thinking about a name.
I remembered a book that changed my outlook on life completely - ILLUSIONS by Richard Bach . There is a messiah in the book who teaches the author the realities(illusions???) of life.
so Kudos to the messiah.....Mi-messiah here i come.